Feel the burn....

I walked home from work yesterday, enjoying the first real Spring Day in the Teedot. I thought to myself, man, it is actually pretty damn hot out today. I looked up, and realized why. It was the 30 foot wall of fire that I saw signifying the Apocolypse. I expected to be picked up by the four horseman (no, not the guys who played on the starting line with Shawn Hartlen at JL Ilsley, the actual four horseman).

In actuality, it wasn't a 30 foot wall of flame, it was simply a Hummer truck. Before I go any farther, unless you are R Kelly, or P Diddy and you are filming a video, YOU DON'T NEED A HUMMER. However, that is another tangent for another time. This Hummer was a driving billboard ... for the new Olsen twin movie, "New York Minute".

How the f*&k; does this movie warrant a Hummer driving around downtown Toronto, advertising the film 24/7? The only people who are going to see this movie are the perverts whose screensaver is counting down until they are of legal age. Unless Uncle Jesse makes a cameo in this flick, it will probably rival "Master of Disguise" and "Butterfly" as the worst movie ever made.

Even better, the "band" in the movie is Simple Plan. "Dude, we are punk, we rock hard in the Olsen twins new movie". Seriously, how can you think you aren't a synthetic boy band when you pop into the head of a casting director for the "edgy band" needed. The cherry on top of this "this movie couldn't be any f*@king stupider" sundae is that the manager of this "edgy" band is Jack Osbourne. "We need a manager who is fat, has bad hair (which I admit is a pretty accurate description), but lets make sure he is about 14, addcited to painkillers, and loves bayonets and army helmets. I am pretty sure that whoever decided this movie was worth making simply turned on MTV for two hours and sent out a memo that read as follows: "yeah, just get me all those people, and a facial".

With all the great movies in theatre right now (Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Goodbye Lenin, etc), how is this filth getting top billiing? One positive, this gives the Metro paper another cd to review when the soundtrack is released.


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