Ma'am, could you please pull over... I'm with the fashion police

I have noticed a distressing trend in the greater teedot area. Girls are eating up the 80's fashion revival like it is the last bowl of rice on Survivor Island. Seriously, the 80's had some great things (movies, music, toys, TV) but fashion was not one of them. How the f*$k are legwarmers coming back? "Hi, I'm going on a date tonight, my boyfriend wears a band t-shirt, jeans and chucks everywhere he goes. I think the only possible match is for me to look like Special K from Breakin' or the girl from Flashdance."

What is next, those overalls with shit painted on the side ("Fresh", or your name)? I know most of you were born after the 80's fashion trends faded away, but just because Robert Smith wrote catchy, depressing songs doesn't mean his all black fashions, and horrible hair was cool. The neon suits that Crockett and Tubbs wore; they were cooler than the other side of the pillow back in the day, until people realized how crap they really were.

The sweatshirts with the neck cut out??? Yes it worked for Rocky, but he was training to fight a steroid infused monster for the pride of the US nation. He wasn't grabbing a cold one on the Black Bull patio.
I by no means should be telling people how to dress. I wear a tshirt and khaks everday, but for the love of god, should I start wearing blazers with the sleeves rolled up and thin zipper ties? You guessed it... NO.

So please throw away the 200 jelly bracelets on your arms girls, and while you are at it, burn the high top Puma wrestling shoes. Unless you expect to be grapple an opponent in the line at URBAN OUTFITTERS, you should be ok taking it down a level to the plain hightops, or even those wack AVIA 3/4 cuts jobbies.

I basically should just say this. HIPSTERS...put down your soy milk latte, and nhilistic literature for two seconds. I know you want to stand out, and show people you are cooler than they are. No worries, you can still be cool, but stay away from the 80's. If you are bored, and have extra time to kill now that you aren't hunting for horrible, overpriced threads let me know. I've got an old rubix cube with your name on it.

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