Survivor Amazon

I'll just hit OK, and my order will be sent to Amazon.ca. Shipping estimate, 3 to 4 days. Great. Waiting (4) days to get the new Iron & Wine cd is not too shabby, especially at a cost of 13.99 with free shipping. Free shipping, because of their genius idea to give you free ghetto shipping after you drop 39 dollars before tax. It is a great scam, because simpletons like myself think..."Shit, 18.99 for a cd, with tax and shipping, that is like 32, 33 bucks. If I get something else, I'd be saving money." So I hunt down another shitty book, or cd that I don't really need, to save myself three bucks. Best thing is, I now have a subtotal of 46, 47 bucks. That being said, who cares really. That isn't what pisses me off.

Amazon, you are a shipping company. Is it rocket science to actually know the status of your warehouses? They have computers systems that update the inventory. So, why do I bring this up? Once again, I got the email after waiting 2 weeks with no shipment updates from the bastards at Amazon. Your order has been delayed. I was less shocked when Jessica Fletcher announced the killer each week in "Murder She Wrote". Then, after I called to enquire, the shipment is now delayed 6 weeks? Jesus, the Queers wrote/recorded and pressed "Love Songs for the Retarded" in less time. You are telling me, Amazon can't say, Subpop, what's up. Send us some extra cds.

But wait, Amazon is not heartless. They now give me the option to break apart my order in two separate packages. The cd I want, that I can't get AND the book I ordered just to get free shipping. The beauty is, IF I BREAK APART THE ITEMS, I have to pay for shipping. So the book I ordered just to get the free shipping, actually makes me pay for shipping. Seems like a great deal for me. To me, this would be the equivalent of my doctor telling me is going to check my colon, but right before he does it, he tells me he will reduce the cost and use a gentler tool, if I let him punch me in the face. I agree to save a buck or two and reduce the agony. However, he then proceeds to tell me, "sorry, looks like I can't help you out anymore, I can't find the gentler tool, so I still have to punch you in the face, treat you less gently and charge you for both".

F*&k; Amazon


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