It's Milton Simmons, better guard your grill!

I'm not sure how I missed this story in March, but I'm glad I caught the conclusion. It seems the charges against Richard Simmons for bitch slapping some dude at Sky Harbour International Airport in Phoenix have been dropped. It seems Richard (real name Milton) Simmons was waiting to board his plane when some guy yelled "Look, Richard Simmons. Drop your bags, let's rock to the 50's". Milton walked right up to the guy and said "It's not nice to make fun of people with issues" before slapping him in the face (side note: is Rich still one of those with issues? He's made what I assume to be a handsome living by greasing himself up, donning hot pants and doing low-impact aerobics. I think it's time to let the issues go). The police were subsequently called by the "victim" and assault charges were pressed against Simmons.

Now I could stop right here and it would be funny enough. But the guy he pimp-slapped is a 6'1, 255 pound Harley Davidson salesman named Chris Farney who cage wrestles in his spare time. It seems the Simmonator doesn't care who you are, if you make fun of the fatties, you're gonna get yours PE style (ooops, I might be inline for a slapping now myself). But how about Mr. Tough Guy ultimate hog salesman fighter picking on Richard Simmons of all people! Perhaps there were no old ladies riding wheels chairs in the terminal that he could mess with. Seriously though, it's Richard Simmons, you'd think if you were going to stoop low enough to make fun of him you'd come up with something better than "let's rock to the 50's". He deserved to get slapped on the weakness of that crush alone. My man even got the name of the tapes wrong. If you're even vaguely aware of the pop culture in the last 15 years, you know those tapes are called "Sweatin' To The Oldies". Future airport dicks of the world take notice, if your going to make fun of exercise gurus, try and get the name right.

But Milt isn't off the hook here either. I don't think that's the way he'd like his fat little disciples to react to bullies is it? If the teacher can't brush aside a weak remark like that, how are the students to persevere in the face of adversity. I should also add that if Richard Simmons wasn't a quasi-celeb I don't think the chaunce he slapped would have just called the cops. I think he would've stomped a mud-hole in those pink striped shorts. I will say this much for Richie Simmons, he must be hiding one big set of balls under those tiny shorts.


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