New Threat Level: Code Yankee

At shortly after noon on Sunday, two small explosions from a downtown transformer left a large section of downtown Toronto in the dark. The mini blackout delayed the start of the Jays-Yankees game by an hour and also darkened The Canadian Comic Book expo that was taking place in the Convention Centre. But the Jays and their fans have been used to power outages all year and the comic books nerds probably felt the dark would increase their chance of picking up, so no one seemed to be that put out by it.

It seems the group frightened the most by the experience were that ever sensitive group: Yankee fans. It seems one young Yankee booster and her father thought the explosion at the transformer was a bomb.

"I was very scared. I thought it was like a terrorist bombing," said 16-year-old Ashley Fasso from Angola, N.Y., who was in Toronto with her father Anthony for yesterday's Jays versus Yankees baseball game.

"I was hyperventilating ... I just assumed it was something bad because of all the Yankee fans who were here."

I've always thought Yankee fans were arrogant, but this really does take it to new heights. A potential terrorist attack takes place in the downtown core of Canada's most populous city and these idiot Yankee fans assume it's because they're there. Of course, without Yankee fans there's nothing bomb worthy about Toronto. The Al Qaeda's master plan has now gone into its most dastardly phase. If Yankee fans from Buffalo and Rochester can't go to Toronto and be twice as obnoxious for half the price, it will put a rip in the very fabric of American society.

It seems that the explosion was caused by a raccoon making contact with the transformer, and not a bomb as first feared by Yankee fans. I can't blame them though, it sounds like a horrifying experience:

"A giant orangeish, yellowish flame and a big bang ... like five M80s (firecrackers) in a garbage can. We thought it was a bomb."

Wait, firecrackers? They think a bomb has gone off and his immediate reaction is that it sounds like 5 firecrackers in a garbage can. Who makes that kind of comparison? I know nothing about bombs but I think it would sound a hell of a lot louder than firecrackers in a bucket if it went off across the street from me.

To finish up, I think it's important we should all take a moment of silence to remember the courageous raccoon that threw himself into the transformer to delay the start of the game. Not even the animal kingdom could watch the Jays blow another game to the Yankees and extend their losing streak. They needed a spark, and this raccoon gave up his hide to provide that spark. I salute you sir.


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