Monday, September 20, 2004

You can't go home again....

Flashback to the early 90's. Being an Atlanta Falcon was roughly the equivalent of being on American Idol. Hundreds of thousands of people thought you were cool for no real reason. Look at Deion Sanders. At the time he was my favorite player. Everytime he touched the ball, something exciting happened. He spawned some of the worst celebration dances of all time. People competed with Deion, not caring how stupid they looked (if Merton Hanks could afford an Internet connection right now, I'd certainly hope he reads this). Remember the sidelines? Hammer would just show up. Jerry Glanville was leaving tickets for Elvis at the gate. It was gold. It didn't matter that at best, the Falcons were going 9-7. It didn't matter if they won by 3 or lost by 28.

Deion was the poster child. He got away with wearing suits he found in Cab Calloway's closet. He was doing songs with Hammer on the Street Fighter soundtrack. Take a second and think about that statement. One project contained Hammer, Prime, Van Damme and rap. He had more bling than any of the rappers today. It didn't matter if he missed tackles, or got torched, because the minute he caught the ball on a punt return, or picked off a pass, it was on. Shucking and jiving, dancing, high-steppin' and that could all be in one play. It was the best of times.

Now we are at the worst of times. I watched Deion come out of the tunnel for the Ravens this week, wearing more gear than Patrick Ewing. He had:
  • a beanie
  • a half beanie (overtop the full beanie)
  • a lycra long sleeved top
  • sweatbands on each forearm (to sop up the sweat Deion lathered up through the long sleeves, as he lined up on every third or fourth defensive play)

This is the nickleback we are talking about. He lined up against Plaxico Burress, and everyone in the stadium realized that it was quite possible that the when the two players shook hands, they might not make contact with each other for the rest of the game. That being said, they were jawing, dancing and letting everyone know they were doing something, even if something was nothing. Deion's stance was a hybrid of an 18th century Olympic sprinter and a boy reluctantly doing a groin stretch in 3rd period phys. ed. Zone or man-to-man, Deion was playing bump and run.

The wheels came off for me when Deion got a low line drive punt (Cowher, is this Gardocki clown really working out? Can we get Miller back?) and after he undressed defensive genius Matt Cushing (back up fullback), he was dragged down after a 17 yard gain. That is 7 yards over the average yard per return for punt returners last year. Off came the helmet, and one of the beanies, and it was time to cryp walk to let people know. Unfortunately, taking the helmet off is now a 15 yard penalty. Oops.

He then lined up one on one against Plax, they both went deep, and he was outrun by the 6'6" man and after yanking him down early, Prime Time realized he pulled a hammie. He was down for the game. Yet another great athlete, who can't realize they don't have the skills they once had. I hope and pray Deion doesn't score this year, because if he does and tries to celebrate, he may actually rip one of his muscles.

Posted at 3:36 PM by ack :: 2 comments

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At 7:35 AM, Blogger Mike did sayeth:

My favorite Deion moment was after the Braves won the 1992 NLCS. Tim McCarver had criticized Deion during the series for trying to play a football game and a baseball game in the same day. After the Braves won the series McCarver was trying to do interviews in the lockeroom on live TV, and Deion kept coming by and dumping ice water on him. McCarver was pissed. It was awsome.

 

At 7:08 PM, Blogger mario did sayeth:

I can't remember the song, but I remember him dancing in an MC Hammer video. If I recall he was wearing an army uniform.

 

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