The Resolution Will Be Televised

As we find ourselves at the start of a brand new year, Herohill would like to wish you and yours the best for 2005. Actually, we'd like to do more than that. What does everyone like to do at New Years? That's right, make New Years Resolutions. But we know it's not always easy to come up with resolutions, so we've decided to come up with a list of resolutions our readers can use.

Without further ado, here's the 2005 Herohill New Years Resolution list:


Resolve to stop complaining about the Vince Carter trade. We weren't able to trade him for Kobe, AI, Ray Allen, KG, LeBron, Shaq, Nash, Magloire, Michael, Magic, or Bird. Let's move on with our lives and starting complaining about Chris Bosh in true Toronto style.

Resolve to also stop complaining about the NHL. Hockey is done for this year, and who cares really? Canada hasn't imploded, so let them get the league fixed before they come back.

Resolve to donate some cash to charity. The Tsunami relief effort is well underway, so if you haven't donated some money yet, get on it. C'mon you tightwad, this is worst disaster of your lifetime, I think you can skip the fancy coffees for a day and help out.

Resolve to finance a wacky scheme, preferably one of ours. If you've gone ahead and donated money to charity and still have gobs of cash to burn, give it to us. Herohill has plenty of nutty/brilliant schemes in the hopper, we just need someone to put up the money. That is where you come in.

Resolve to never wear those ridiculous boxing-shoe style sneakers. Seriously, these shoes are terrible, if you own a pair, never put them on again.

Resolve to learn a new language, learn to cook, or take some kind of pottery class. This kind of self-improvement crap is huge at resolution time.

Resolve to get Dave Feschuk fired from the Toronto Star, or at least taken off the Raptors beat. Seriously, this guy's writing drives me crazy, you should do something about him.

Resolve to drive like less of a psycho. I'm mainly talking to the psycho drivers of Toronto, but this applies universally. Think about it Andretti, we'd all be less stressed if we didn't have to worry about lunatic drivers mashing our cars.

Resolve to stop smoking. Face it smokers, you've lost. Society has made you a virtual outcast, standing in the -20 weather in your little smoker leper colonies. Get the gum, or patch, or whatever the hell it is you need to quit that cancer-causing habit and join us back in society where it's warm and smoke free.

Resolve to listen to more hip hop if you're white, more country if you're black. It's working for Nelly and Tim McGraw, I think it can work for the rest of us.

Resolve to always a shirt under your button ups. I don't care how diagonal your stripes are guy, wear an undershirt. I never need to see your sexy chest.

Resolve to read more. You can start by reading Herohill every day.



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