I'll Get You Beer Bandit...No You Won't

I hate to use a phrase like "only in the Maritimes" to describe a story like this, but I can't resist. A truck driver that stole 50,400 cans of Spanish-labeled Moosehead beer intended for Mexico was sentenced to 19 1/2 months in prison. For those who don't know much about Canada or the Maritimes, as you can see from this story, let's just say we like our booze out there.

But even in a place where everyone enjoys the booze, there's a select few that love it that much more. That's what we have here, a dude with such an unquenchable beer thirst that he felt the need to steal a truckload of Moosehead cans. I'm not a criminal genius, but even I realize that taking your truck of beer intended for Toronto, ditching it and stealing all the cans of Moosehead while leaving the truck running in a Grand Falls parking lot isn't the smoothest plan. Nothing against Grand Falls, my peeps come from there, but not much goes on there, people are going to notice an empty beer truck idling in the Irving Big Stop parking lot. This beer genius might've also wanted to take a look at the cans of beer he was stealing. I'm guessing he wanted to get caught anyway, but you're not going to be able to discreetly peddle Moosehead beer in New Brunswick that has Spanish labels on it. People probably aren't going to believe that your name is Juan and you're a Mexican bootlegger summering in New Brunswick. As the spokesman for Moosehead said "If someone offers you a cold Moosehead in a can that has Spanish on it, the beer is hot,". ha HA, I'm sorry, that just sounds ridiculous.

But let's not feel to bad for this guy as he serves his 20 months, I don't think he's too worried about it. According to the article he sent a birthday card to his ex-girlfriend that he signed "The Beer Bandit". Yeah, some beer bandit though, what's up with stealing Moosehead? I mean Moosehead's fine, but of all the Maritime beers, Moosehead's not the one I'd be going to jail for. Get yourself a job at Olands and steal some Schooner or Oland Export. And if it has to be a Moosehead product, steal the Alpine truck. But oh well, you've got plenty of time to think about your next heist.

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