Thursday, May 5, 2005

I can't stand it...

As I walked to work yesterday, I stopped to pick up the Dose/Metro and casually glanced at the covers of the other Toronto city papers. 50% of them had Paris Hilton on the cover. Paris and three other chumps were on MuchMusic promoting their new movie, House of Wax.


The country is in politcal disarray, and the choice for the lead story is Paris Hilton talking? She wasn't even naked in this one. Was the lead story about the Liberal government spending 10 million to promote Canadian unity in China? Nope. Was it highlighting the fact banks are going to allow people to use a debit card over the Net for major retailers? Nada. It was about Paris Hilton, a toss off from the show 24 (Elisha Cuthbert), and a dude who stared in Cheaper by the Dozen and an Ashley and Mary Kate movie (New York Minute).

I can't really fault the other cronies. I mean, if you are trying to make it and have to accept an Olsen twin film, or you are a Canadian actress whose next big thing is being on the Simple Life 3, take the publicity when you can. That being said, Jared my man, I know you want to be down, but wearing the Our Lady Peace shirt and saying they are your favorite band, you might as well turn your hat to the back and start arm wrestling for your kid. That was over the top.

But Paris, she has to be stopped. First off, dress me up in bad outfits, give me a reverse mohawk afro and call me Mugato, but am I the only one who realizes her answer is the same for every question? Am I on crazy pills? Her blue steel is saying, "make it hotter, make it sexier."

Paris, how is simple life 3 going to be better? It will be hotter and sexier. CORRECT ANSWER - MORE CRAP, SAME PREMISE. I'M AN IDIOT, SO YOU KNOW I WILL MAKE A FOOL OF MYSELF.
Paris, what is your new video like? "Well, it is being done with Dave LaChappelle, so it is going to be hot, and sexy." CORRECT ANSWER - NOT REALLY SURE. BUT I COULD JUST STAND THERE AND EVERYONE WOULD WATCH. DAVE LaCHAPPELLE ONLY WORKS WITH REAL TALENT LIKE MOBY, XTINA, BRITNEY, J-LO AND GWEN. SO I MEAN, YOU KNOW WHAT YOUR GETTING. I'M GOING TO BE OBJECTIFIED AND ATTEMPT TO MAKE IT SEEM LIKE YOU COULD PICTURE HAVING SEX WITH ME.
Paris, what was it like taking your clothes off? "It was hot. It was sexy." CORRECT ANSWER - COME ON DUDE. EVERYONE HERE HAS SEEN ME NAKED AND COULD DRAW MY BREAST FROM MEMORY.
Paris, how should we end the situation in Iraq? "Make it hotter, make it sexier." CORRECT ANSWER - WHAT IS HAPPENING IN IRAQ?

Why do people give her air time? Isn't she just the next in a long line of people that have taken their clothes off, got popular and should fade away? Shannon Elizabeth, Jaime Pressly and Tara Reid have been saving your seat at the hasbeen skank restaurant. Please take it.

My solution - please people, stop paying attention to her. Take a cue from Homer, Lisa and the great Mr. Allen - Just Don't Look, and she will go away.

Posted at 8:59 AM by ack :: 0 comments

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