Elvis Will Not Leave The Building

If you're Canadian, you've surely heard of Elvis Stojko, the world champion figure skater with a world class case of little man's disease. While figure skating Elvis was winning world titles and Olympic medals, he was also rocking a mullet that would embarrass the skiviest of hockey players and injecting his own brand of machismo into the figure skating world by performing routines where he pretended to be Bruce Lee. This is all very interesting stuff, so if you're like me, I'm sure you've been wondering "What's up with Elvis Stojko?". You can imagine how excited I was to come across this MacLeans story on Elvis today.

If you read the story yourself, you know that there's almost too much comedy in the article for me to comment on all of it. First of all, it seems Elvis is going to the World Karate Championships in Niagara Falls. He's qualified for the slashing palm and the double daggers. Maybe he'll be going head to head against the dudes from Double Dragon. Sounds like they're preparing to face video game bad guys, as Elvis is training against a dude wearing a goalie mask. Seriously, I highly doubt Mr. Miyagi would approve of using hockey equipment for karate training purposes. Paint the fence? Yes. Smash the goalie in the back of the head? No.

But really, the best part of the article is where Figure Skating Elvis reveals that he'd like to be another singing Elvis. And he's not just talking, he's put some work in already: "I have a demo disc of some covers I've done -- Creed, White Snake and White Lion". ha HA, forget demo disc, I would pay to hear that right now. What selections though, he should put it out under the title "Elvis Stojko Sings Songs From The Worse Bands Ever". Round it out with perhaps some Right Said Fred and Foreigner, and he's got himself a hit record. I've never even heard of White Lion, it sounds like one of Brian Fantana's colognes.

But this Little E's musical talents don't end there, as last year he "played a role in the stage production of Grease, starring Frankie Avalon". Wow, must've been quite a show as I believe Frankie Avalon is only about 68 now. Elvis does have a plan though "I'm planning to break in with a pop-rock album but then get into more adult contemporary stuff. You know, like Josh Groban." C'maaan guy, Josh Groban? All the karate ass kicking you've ever done goes out the window when you say you want to be like Josh Groban. When the guy from Macleans writes "It's hard not to laugh", you might want to re-think your master plan for a musical career.

The article closes by reinforcing what an ass kicking machine Figure Skating Elvis has become: "Then, without warning, he turns his game face back on, walks to one of the exits, and buries 20 explosive kicks with his size-nine sneakers into the building's brick exterior." Sounds scary, but I'd rather have him kick me 20 times than have to hear him sing Josh Groban songs.


@ 2:41 AM, Anonymous kicked the following game:

Elvis excels not just in skating (one of the all-time greats and a true legend)but in martial arts and performing arts as well. How many people can you say that about? The Macleans reporter is just a jealous fool. I'm not laughing at all when Elvis says he's planning on a CD, whether it's Josh Groban-ish type music or whatever, it'll be awesome! Elvis rocks!!! And he's a great guy in addition to being multi-talented.

 

@ 5:02 PM, rocknskate kicked the following game:

There is way too much jealousy out there.

You take a guy who has a collection of Olympic and World medals and excells in Martial Arts and 'assume' he couldn't have any musical talent? Shame on you!

It kills me that you so called journalists out there get a chance to do a piece on this guy and he opens up and gives you more than anyone else would - speaks from the heart and is honest and what do you do? Flame him?!? Shame on you again!

I'd give my right arm to do a piece on him if given the chance. I, for one, would do him justice.

Elvis, ignore these fools. Rock on and think about doing some commentating at some point in your career - it would be a breath of fresh air to hear some real honest comments instead of the sugar-coated trash we are fed by people who are as jaded and blind as some of these crotchedy old judges in the skating community.

 

@ 8:00 PM, naedoo kicked the following game:

Dear Mr. Rocknskate,

First of all, we're not claiming to be journalists, this is a blog. We wrote a post about an article the appeared in Mclean's magazine. So please, read a little more carefully before commenting.

Also, if you don't see the humor in Elvis Stojko doing White Snake and Creed covers, then you're on the wrong site.

 

@ 10:50 AM, rocknskate kicked the following game:

I understand exactly what a blog is.

My referral was to the Mclean's piece and to the comment on this site "Sounds scary, but I'd rather have him kick me 20 times than have to hear him sing Josh Groban songs." <-----if this quote isn't yours than punctuation changes may be necessary on this blog.

When you post a blog, it IS journalism - "One who keeps a journal" is a definition for journalist. (a 'blog', btw, is an online journal) thus Blogger=Journalist - unpaid, but all the same a journalist.

You point out to me that there may be humor in Stojko doing White Snake and Creed, but you obvoiusly don't want to hear Groban from him either. Since it appears that neither you, or John Intini have ever heard Elvis sing, thus my remark about jealousy.

 

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@ 9:15 PM, boy I needed a good laugh kicked the following game:

In response to Elvis Won't Leave the Building. God your Blog on Elvis made me laugh--not just snigger, but a good outloud guffaw! OOOo, I'd pay top dollar for that demo too. Wouldn't you just love to slip it on for some unsuspecting friends in your kitchen some night and just watch their faces--yeah this is the new Elvis Stoiko release--While I give Elvis a begrudging respect for his physical talents as a skater (I am a skater myself and recognize what he acheived), but the thought of Elvis singing is beyond hysterical. Imagine if he makes a video to accompany one of those gems he has recorded (and you know he will). There will be so much audience pointing going on it'll make your head spin (Elvis loves to point at the audience a lot in his skating routines). Maybe he'll even wear one of his skating outfits that always looked like a kid's Halloween costume to me, (complete with matching plastic wristbands or those fingerless gloves). Oooo it's just too much fun to stand!!!

 

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@ 2:06 AM, elvis is weird kicked the following game:

"Before You" is the worst song on the Braided CD, thanks to Elvis. He can't sing. He can't skate anymore. He's ugly. He's beyond weird. He's a washed up joke. How sad.

 

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@ 12:36 PM, Hot, edgy...why not? kicked the following game:

By definition, Adult Contemporary music would be that of Billy Joel, Michael Bolton, Phil Collins, Sting...

Edgy - well, my guess would be provovative, daring, maybe trend-setting.

Hot - hmm, I shouldn't have to describe 'hot' to you.

Put 'em all together and I'm hoping for lyrics along the lines of Nine Inch Nails, "Closer" - but since 'special meaning' and 'family' were mentioned, I'd imagine something much more subdued...rats! I'll still take the bait and buy his CD...as a general rule, unless it's a greatest hits disc, I'm usually lucky to find 2 or 3 songs worthy of loading on my iPod.

I just don't think Elvis is going to be as awful as you seem to hope, in fact, I think he might really surprise people.

Maybe his next attempt will be original songs and then we can see what he's really about.

 

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@ 3:39 PM, skatingfan kicked the following game:

Elvis a washed-up joke? Gee, have you won two Olympic silver medals for your country? And how lame is it to denigrate someone by calling them ugly. We should all be proud of what Elvis has achieved.

 

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