Check Mates

We get some random emails here at the hill. If you run your own website/blog, then I'm sure you experience the same thing. Between our music reviews, celeb emails, and our wide ranging blog posts, we end up covering everything under the sun. Due to this, Google helps us lure in all kinds of people to the site. Most serious people usually take a quick read of our nonsense and move on, but our celeb emails often confuse folks. They tend to think we're affiliated with these hundereds of "famous" people we've emailed. The ever-lengthening white trash teenage girl comment battle over a particular wrestler named Randy is a good example of this. Another is an email I recieved this weekend from a man who has compiled a list of every celeb who's ever played chess.

Yes, indeed, you heard me correct, a list of famous people who've played chess in their lifetime. Why was this list created, I have no idea. But obviously the guy has spent considerable time on it as it's huge and he's tried to provide a link for each person showing their chess creds. So I figured it might be interesting to list some of the highlights from the list with witty commentary. I mean what's funnier than a list of people who've played chess?

Jon Anderson, Band Member of Yes - He has no reference for this, but I guess I believe him. I mean what are the odds of even finding Jon Anderson from Yes even if I had doubts?

Kobe Bryant, NBA player and non-rapist - I know he has a link from www.allstarz.com that proves it, but I don't believe it. No doubt Kobe just thinks it makes him sound smart.

Al Capone, King of all Mobsters - Really, does this even count? What moron would even play Capone in chess? If you even came close to beating him you'd be in a trunk before the board was put away.

Macaulay Culkin, actor - Makes sense, have to do something with all that time he spent...home alone. Ha ha, suck it Culkin, you'll always be Home Alone Kevin to me!

Dustin Diamond, Screech - Pick your own witty comment.

Albert Einstein, Genius - Wow, Einstein played chess, that is shocking.

Larry Bird, Danny Ainge, Kevin McHale - He doesn't have any references for these dudes, I think he must just be a huge C's fan.

Erik Estrada, The One and Only Ponch - He cites Chess Life on this one, but I don't know if I'm buying Ponch playing chess. If so, he should've been killing dudes on Surreal Life at the chess.

Franz Ferdinand - Relax hipsters, it's the actual Franz Ferdinand, who was archduke of the Austro-Hungarian empire. But you knew that, right?

Bill Gates, Lord Microsoft - Wow, this is as surprising as Einstein.

Barnard Goetz, Subway killer - Really, Barnard Goetz? I was under the impression that this list was pro-chess, not sure you want to be associated with Barnard Goetz.

Dominic Hasek, Super goalie - I wonder if all his flopping around knocks the chess pieces off the board.

Balzac, Dickens, Arthur Conan Doyle, Dostoevsky, Edgar Allen Poe, Shakespeare - These dudes spent all day writing before the advent of electricity, of course they played chess. Not like they had many other options.

Adolf Hitler, Devil Incarnate - And I thought Goetz was bad. Hitler, come on! If you're at all trying to promote chess, why would you include the most evil man in the history of the world? I don't get it.

Evander Holyfield, Ear Bite Survivor - Really? I hope he's better at chess then he was on the Dancing With The Stars show.

Larry Johnson, NBA Player - Grandmama loves chess!

Kreskin, Magician - Is it really fair to play chess against a dude that can bend spoons with his mind? He'd be mind-moving the pieces for sure when you weren't looking.

LL Cool J, Rapper - Ladies Love Cool James and James loves the chess. Might just be me, but I don't see LL being Bad at the chess.

John McEnroe, Tennis Player - For sure screaming McEnroe comes out when you're beating him at chess.

Lee Harvey Oswald - Really, the guy who killed Kennedy? I don't know, this list could use some editing I think.

George Peppard, Actor - No doubt Hanibal loves his chess, but I'd pay to see him play Mr. T.

Keanu Reeves, Matrix Guy - Riiight. If I had to play anyone in chess on this list, it would be Keanu.

David Lee Roth, Rocker - Hmm, maybe I spoke too soon about Keanu. But DLR is a renaissance man, and he's probably a chess demon in spadex pants.

Arnold Schwarzenegger, The Governator - Arnold would wear you down with all his quotes until you just gave in. Or he'd smash the board over your head.

Well there you go, who knew that pretty much every celebrity (or super vilain) played chess.


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