Keep The Change

Despite the catchy title, this isn't an anti-Nickleback post. Although it could be, because despite their scarecrow-haired, Cher sound-alike lead singer's protestations, Nickleback does indeed suck. But I'm talking about one of hip hop's heavyweights here, not Nicklesack and their barely mediocre "rock" music. Who might the heavyweight be you ask? Well none other than hip hop's favorite half-dollar, 50 Cent. The man white people delight in calling "Fiddy" has be omnipresent for a while now, but I've mostly been able to ignore him. His mush-mouth rap stylings don't interest me much, so Fiddy (see, now I'm doing it) doesn't bother me, and I don't shoot him 9 times. But this week Mr. Cents announced that he intends to put out a line of G-Unit books and really, this is too much.

Don't get me wrong, I understand how the rap game works in the 2000's. If you're really a big time player, you do much more than make platinum records. You get your business hustle on and milk your 15 minutes of rap fame for all the duckets you can. It started with clothing, dudes like the Wu Tang clan, Rocafella, and Sean P-Diddly John put out their own clothing lines and did very well. So of course they figured, why stop there? The boys at Rocafella bought a Vodka company and Pro Keds. Lil' Jon has his own energy drink. Snoop Dogg makes porno vids. Murder Inc. got into the crack money laundering biz. So being the rap man of the hour, 50 Cents has to get his piece of the pie.

Having already done the obligatory clothing line, shoe deal, and vitamin water, 50 currently has a new video game and a movie loosely based on his life out in the marketplace. He's everywhere, and that's fine, but books? C'maaan guy, does the world really need "hip-hop novellas and graphic novels" about the G-Unit? Granted, the comic book versions of Lloyd Banks and Young Buck would have three times the charisma of the real dudes, but still, I don't think that's reason enough. Besides, I don;t think there's anything gangster about "hip-hop novellas".

I mean, aren't we about done with 50 Cent by now? Yes, I realize 50 was shot 9 times, and I'm not saying that isn't impressive. But I think he's taken it about as far as he can. Getting shot 9 times has already made him a millionaire, many times over I imagine, so he's certainly had a good run. But I think it's time some other rapper who cheated death got their chance to shine. Perhaps a rapper who was struck by lightning can be Eminem's next protege, or a rapper who survived a swarm of angry bees can sell 4 milion records. Let's get this 50 Cent backlash underway people, he's been on top long enough.

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