Double Hs - The Kevin Bacon in Wild Things Award

Remember that flick? It got all hyped up after Kevin Dillon pulled a Guidance Council fantasy and got with both Denise Richards and Neve Campbell. Things were flying along swimmingly in High School soft porn style when all of a sudden Kevin Bacon comes out of the shower showing the world his "crime scene". Boys everywhere recoiled in horror as they saw more than they ever wanted. Well in honor of that moment, this award goes to the person I've seen enough of to last an entire lifetime and then some. That person is Puff Daddy.

Ok. Where to start with P Did. First - the name. Over his career he has been credited as:
Sean 'Puffy' Combs'
Puffy Combs
Sean Combs
Puff Daddy
P. Diddy
P Diddy

Seriously. He has more nicknames than a journeymen wrestler whose gimmicks don't stick. I wouldn't be surprised to read he changed his name to Diddy Yankem DDS, or just Diddy Kane. Sean Combs has done more with les(s) than Ojay in a dark room. Instead of rehashing his rehashed material when things dry up, Combs simply changes his name. Puff Daddy. P Diddy. Diddy. Diddy Kong. Doesn't matter.

This is a guy who was basically BIGs flunky. He was like the dude with the huge flat top that added the dryer sheets when Hammer had his parachute pants in the dryer. "Yo -flat top guy, make sure there is no static." Diddy has been ripping off artists and using his BIGGIE connections for years.

Remember after Biggie was killed? He pulled a GLAD garbage bag guy and dressed in a white suit before freaking the dancing funk with Sting in the shadow of BIG's image and a legend was born. He no longer had to do anything and people would love him forever. He started showing up in movies, and even his movies were rehashed. A prequel to Carlito's Way? With no Pacino? That's like filming Shrek without a big green monster. Mario Van Peebles? The last time anyone saw him was in the Halifax Y trying to fight Steve Aitken.

Now Puffles has completely overstepped his bounds. He's already rich as hell, and can give whatever money he wants to the Biggie foundation, but instead he makes a Duets album. His first order of business was to select cover art for the CD that makes Biggie look like Grimace.

Biggie is dead. Let his legend remain intact. Courtney Love is making everyone hate Nirvana. Rita Marley is re-releasing Bob Marley tracks every year. People need to stop trying to make a song over a song someone left on an answering machine once. In fact, this album is all reused material, and features songs with 35 guests. It's a cash grab. Plain and simple. I mean, tracks with Bob Marley and Tupac? Why not make duets with John Lennon, Jim Morrison, Cobain, and Jam Master J. Puffy go way.

Honorable mention:
Tom Cruise - Almost a double winner here at the first double Hs. Shane summed it up well, so no need to repeat it. Cruise is everywhere I don't want it to be. Mission Impossible 4 should be a documentary where they challenge him to not talk or be retarded for two hours.

The Juicy Fruit guy - This ad campaign is STILL GOING. Not replaying commercials, but making new ones! It is the most annoying commercial ever and the guy has to be more hated than a Bengal fan in Pittsburgh, but he just sits there and gets his strum on. I know he's getting paid more than I'll ever make to be an idiot, but come on. It's time to pack up the acoustic and leave.

Johnny Damon - Captain Red Sox was a late addition to the list of candidates. He was reppin the fame of the Red Sox win to parts in movies, a televised wedding, spots in people, sexy hair and thinking it's ok to wear a vest with no shirt. He was annoying enough to begin with, but HE JUST SIGNED WITH THE YANKEES. What a bag of douche.

@ 9:31 AM, foon kicked the following game:

pebbles is lucky his big friend stepped in or i would have new jacked him


Post a Comment

Word on the Beat



Holler @ us on myspace


 Subscribe to the hill




Powered by Blogger
& Blogger Templates