The Double Hs - The Uggs Boot Award


This award goes out for the worst trend that is sweeping, nay swiffering, the nation. There is a lot of fodder for this award. For example, it irritates me that people like Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan are routinely asked for an opinion. It irritates me that Fez is able to date women of all under-ages and no one realizes he may be Fezzy Lee Lewis. But the big winner for me is … celebrities making albums and having them sell off the shelves.

Remember the 80's. Music was horrible, but great at the same time. Corey Haim repped movies. Oingo Boingo repped music. It was simple. Then, out of nowhere Eddie Murphy grabbed hold of the Rick James train and recorded "Party All the Time". Aside from giving the people one of the best moment in music video history (Rick James freaking out in the recording booth), this opened a window for all celebs to sneak through. Actors crossed over like Tim Hardaway and we accepted it. Rick Springfield was paged from General Hospital to do some Jessie's Girl. Phillip Michael Thomas even put out a record. Now, we have everyone from Jamie Foxx to Lindsay Lohan releasing albums.

The big difference is that I have to hope that Eddie Murph didn't think his album was top shelf. I'm pretty sure he knew the deal. It was the 80's. Coke was running rampant. Bad decisions were made daily. But now we have Lindsay Lohan covering Cheap Trick??? I'm not sure a cheap trick should be given access to the Cheap Trick vault. Jamie Foxx makes a sex-you up album with some of the biggest names in the hip hop biz? Jamie, listen to me. It took you years to convince people you weren't a Wayan brother. You are getting some respect in LA LA Land. Don't throw that away to become the next Al. B Sure. Al. B Sure that while you are touring and ripping off clothes like you are the next D'Angelo, Scorcese won't be sending you scripts.

I know studio magic works wonders, but can anyone really think that 12 tracks from Ms. Hilton is going to be worth the cost required to print her CD? Or the fact Jamie Kennedy made a hip hop album that featured a song with Bob Saget. David Hasslehoff is set to record with Ice-T. The list and the auditory pain continues to grow. It hurts me too much to keep talking about.

Honorable Mention:
Sports writers that don't write about sports. I blame this on the Sports Guy. When he started combining pop culture references with his sports observations, it was pretty funny. Flash forward a year or two, and now every columnist writes about his favorite movie, latte, song, or 80's television show. What they don't write about is SPORTS. Peter King, Dave Feschuk, Stuart "Booya" Scott and now even writers like Marty York are lacing columns with stuff I don't care about. If I want to read about entertainment news, I'll flip to the entertainment section. Every Monday and Tuesday, I have to filter through Peter King's obsession with Starbuck's coffee, Six Feet Under, House, U2, or his daughter's softball team. His column is five pages, and about two of them relate to the sport he covers. Done properly, this technique makes for great reading. Done all the time, it just gets tiresome.

Bloggers who refer to other bloggers by first name. Here's the deal. Bloggers read other blogs and link back and forth like they are playing Legend of Zelda without a map. I get it. Your blog is a big part of your life, but when you say things like, "Check out Frank over at Chromewaves" or "Matt from youaintnopicasso", you are talking about people you don't know. It's bad enough when you have comments like, "I've never heard of these guys. Are they good?", but now you are forming friendships with people you've never met. Oops, you dropped something. Bend over and pick that name up. I didn't read Egger's book and think that since I like his style we are friends. Or the fact Elijah Wood talked about some of the same bands I like doesn't mean I'm the new Samwise. I don’t watch the news, and turn to Nic and say, "Connie over at NBC was just talking about Iraq." Bloggers – just link your links, or try writing some original content. Linking what someone else already said or wrote about is played out.

The fact people care about K-Fed. Subcategory, the fact people refer to this chaunce as K-Fed. I'm trying really hard to grasp the concept. Why do people care about Brit and this clown? He's a former backup dancer for LFO. Right now I'm pretty sure that the cats from LFO probably have to say, "would you like to upsize that for a quarter" as part of their daily routine, so how's this guy famous?

He breaks all the white guy rules. Cornrows – check. Thugged out sweat pants and stained beaters – check. Making up words when you're not Snoop – check. Releasing a hip hop album – check. Yet for some reason Pavarotti (I hear you K-Fed) follow this dude when he heads for the border for a 5 taco combo like he's going to come back with ten new commandments.

This guy is becoming the teeny bop version of Shawn Kemp. Kids with different women, you know one woman can't hold him down. Pretty soon he's going to have to become a mall Santa to give all his kids gifts. Let's make a group effort to ignore this guy, and hopefully after Brit divorces him he can fade away like Agassi's hair.



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