Scary Maguire


Ok. I'll admit, this story may or not be true. Shane and I both think it is factual, so there is a chance it COULD BE true. Herohill is going to be the first to voice what everyone else is thinking. Tom Cruise and Kanye West are in love.

"WHAT", you say. Let's take a look at the facts. Aside from going batshit crazy, picking (Katie Holmes) up a beard that makes Chuck Norris look like a prepubescent boy, flying his wife around the globe when she is 7 months preggo for some photo-ops, Maverick has recently become obsessed with Kanye's music. I'm sure if you really did some sleuthing, you'd find out that early on after he knocked her up, Tom invited Katie's father out for dinner and a roofie-coloda, only to find out her dad wasn't John Holmes, but by then it was too late. His made up religion dictactes he will be a good dad to this child.

Kanye is one of the first artists to come out and try to get rid of homophobia in the music biz. According to a clip on muchmusic, he only uses the word (gay or more harsh rap variety) in fun. He wonders if people think he is gay, because he dresses so well. Say what you want about Kanye, but who else has the balls to come out and support gay artists because they have great style. Maybe he's just slowly letting us into his personal life?

Tom personally recruited Kanye to do his thing on MI:3. Originally Kanye passed on this gig, for once putting credibility over self hype. After a talking to from Cole Trickle, Kanye agreed to do not one, but MULTIPLE songs for the movie. Doesn't this kind of have a Mr.& Mrs. Smith, or Gattaca type feel to it? Two new lovers deciding to do a project together? Like they are only minutes away from filming Jerry Maguire 2, a movie where TomYe™ explore the relationship between a new sports agent and a vocal musician, just trying to get his.

But herohill, could this be true? Could they really love each other? I think hearing that Tom Cruise started yelling "Unf@cking believable" at the top of his lungs and climbed the ropes to the balcony, like it was a scene from one of his crap movies, during Kanye's performance might be an indication of the true feelings of this smitten kitten.

Tom Cruise admits he still reenacts the Risky Business scene from time to time, so can we really think he's into the beats? Does he forget his tried and true moves and do some uprocking in that shirt when he listens to GoldDigger? Can we really be asked to stomach the fact Tom Cruise is a hip hop lover and expert? According to Cruise, the song Kanye recorded for the movie is pretty damn good - "You just need to hear it," Cruise said. "I went in while they were mixing, and I was like, 'Man, you killed it.' It is — wow." So I guess he told us. I also guess his CD collection has at least one more Haddaway album than it does Ultra Magnetic MCs records.

But what else could these two have in common? Well, for one, they both claim to love a religion and therefore nothing you say to them can be valid, since you don't understand their faith. A Christian man addicted to porn and pre-marital sex? Kanye loves Jesus, so back up off him. A Scientologist who's against drug therapy for proven diseases, but not above risking his beard's health when she is pregnant? Well Tom has done the research, so he knows and you and I don't, and if you keep being glib he'll smash you. I do know this though - his religion is made up, but he's right, I don't know the inner workings of the brain like he does.

So sometime down the road, if this story surfaces, remember we completely made it up first.


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