There's more than one Juno in Halifax, but this one sucks

It's no wonder people think Canadian music sucks. For the last two years, Canadian artists have been blowing up like Kristy Swanson's thighs. It's amazing to hear people talk about the New Prons, the Stars, Feist, Broken Social Scene, Metric, Wolf Parade, K-OS, the Arcade Fire and about 20 other bands that are worth mentioning. Wait, didn't Neil Young release one of his best albums in forever as well?

Despite all this talent, yesterday when the Junos were announced, the list was as boring as AC Green's diary. "Dear Diary, today I changed from a gheri curl to a box cut. Oh, and I'm still a 38 year old virgin. Nothing new to talk about today. Hopefully, I can write a comedy about my life that stars someone from Daily Show."

How is it possible that the nominations included two Canadian Idol candiates, a guy named Boom, a Christmas album, generic mall punk bands and a band that didn't release an album this year?

It's a travesty. Seriously. Let's start from the beginning and go from there. The Fan Choice Award nominees are: Celine Dion, Diana Krall, Michael Buble, Nickleback and Simple Plan. I'd like to know who the fans voting on this are? I can see how Muchmusic fans who still think being on Speaker's Corner is bear-awesome would get amped up on Nickleback and Simple Plan, but who is deciding that Diana Krall and her Xmas album and Celine Dion are the best of what Canada has to offer?

The artist of the year and album of the year are the two biggest slaps to the grill. Diana Krall's Xmas album, two former Canadian Idol contestants (Kalan Porter and Sexy Rexy Goudie) and a crooner. Cm'aaaaaan. I realize Diana Krall could put out an album of 58 minutes of silence and people would eat that shit salad and ask for more, but how can two manufactured celebs be in contention. I'm not sure if my stats are 100% accurate, but I think Kalan Porter's album did not sell to anyone over the age of 15, unless they were related to him. You are honestly telling me that his album is better than Arcade Fire or the critically acclaimed Twin Cinemas release by AC Newman and crew?

The reviews (as like Kanye, I will admit I've never heard Kalan's cuts) by fans even say the drums are too loud and overshadow his voice, plus he has cameos by other Idols. He covers True Colors by Cyndi Lauper. This album was also released in November of 2004, so I'm not sure how it made the cut. So we have a terribly produced, manufactured album that wasn't released in 2005? Sounds like a winner to me.

If that makes it ok, how does Rex Goudie's 2005 release make it? It's frustrating to realize that we have so much talent, and award shows like the Juno's show why the majority of pop music fans still think Canada = Celine, Shania and Bryan Adams. For all you fans who would like to take a sip of the Buble, I realize he was nominated for a Grammy, but so was Arcade Fire, so why aren’t they here as well? I also realize that crooning is the new black, but do people other than adult contempory fans, and people who claim to like Sinatra actually care about this guy? K-OS unique blend of hip-hop, R & B, reggae and rock created some of the most popular singles of the year. He gets nominated for single of the year, but not for artist of the year?

Look at our nominees for rock group of the year. Our Lady Peace, Nickleback, Theory of a Deadman, Barenaked Ladies and Blue Rodeo? Did they get the year wrong? Did they find these artists in my Dal '93 Frosh Pack? Did the judges just scan for names featured on the Big Shiny Tunes comps until they found five? Just in case you missed it, the last BNL release was another Xmas album in 2004. So apparently, if you want to win a Juno for original music, just do a Christmas album. Maybe Bedouin Soundclash can cover Boney M's brilliant Christmas album and turn this up a notch.

Apparently, any band that isn't generic white guy rock, or straight Nickleback clones is not deemed rock n' roll. It's too easy to dump it in the vast abyss known as alternative rock. Somehow Hedley's snotty mall punk is rock, but Metrics Live it Out is clearly alternative. Metric is opening for the Rolling Stones for Christ sake. Kalan Porter is opening new Gaps and theme parks.

So this year, when you watch Chris Martin and Chad Kroeger both try to fit their egos into the same venue, try to remember what great artists Canada really has, and ignore the fact that the judges are using the All-Star format to vote – I've heard of that person, they've been fantastic for years. They desrve it more than someone having the best year of their life.

@ 6:05 PM, Anonymous rooney kicked the following game:

who the fawk is Rex Goudie? Was he the guy playing with Bowie on CBS? Who knows, maybe it was Arcade Fire.

and that "rock group of the year" list is just sad (and i like blue rodeo).


@ 5:56 PM, Anonymous Jay kicked the following game:

Rex Goudie is a fucking criminal. All this shit pump does is travel from the West Coast of Newfoundland to the East Coast of Newfoundland and back again putting on a shitty concert and ripping CHILDREN off! The guy is a hack, I would call him a "has been" except he never had anything to begin with. Every 3 days I hear that he is coming through my town again. Soon enough this fucking loser will be in Toronto plaing for quarters on the street. Get with it Rex, you suck!!!

RUN, Run away.... off a short cliff you god damn hack.


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