An Open Letter to the Lady with Ripped Jeans

Hello lady with ripped jeans, it’s me Shane.  Perhaps you remember me, I walked behind you for a while yesterday near the Dominion when you were going through the walkway at the construction site.  The walkway through the site is pretty narrow so I wasn’t able to pass you.  Walking right behind you as I was, I couldn’t help but notice that you had a rather large rip in your jeans right at the bottom of your right ass cheek.  In fact, the rip is so large that it provides the entire world with a healthy view of your ass cheek.  Fortunately for you, and more so for me, you were wearing some blue underpants that at least provided some coverage.  But with the thongs and what not being so popular these days, the next person trapped behind you might not be as lucky.
I wanted to tell you about this rip in the ass of your jeans as soon as possible.  However, seeing as how you are just a random creepy lady I walked behind on the street, I figured this letter was as effective a method as any.  Surely you aren’t aware of this rip, because if you were you would certainly have thrown away those jeans or had the rip mended.  I mean why would anyone knowingly wear jeans with such a gaping hole in the ass region?  That’s the whole reason we wear pants, to have something covering our asses.  Otherwise assless chaps would be much more than a ploy for cheap laughs.  Perhaps it’s for reasons of fashion. I’m pretty sure ripped jeans went out of style somewhere around 1987 and I hear the 80’s are actually coming back in.  However, your stringy blonde hair, large half-tinted glasses, and white ¾ cut sneakers suggest it’s more likely you have no idea 1987 ended quite some time ago.
Whatever the case may be, I thought I should let you know about the rip in your jeans.  I think I speak for everyone you have ever walked by when I say, for god’s sake, cover your ass.

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