Wednesday, March 28, 2007

News:: 100 Rappers We Wished Lost Their Voice Instead of The D.O.C.

The other day Ack and I were engaged in one of our frequent discussions about the awesomeness of The D.O.C., when we got on the topic of how unfair it was that out of all the rappers in world, he had to lose his voice in a car crash. In fact I went so far as to claim that there were at least 100 rappers I would've preferred to see lose their voice instead of The D.O.C. This got us thinking, is that actually true? Are there at least 100 rappers we would prefer to see get their vocal cords severed? As you can imagine, we had to find out, so we began compiling a list. Turns out there certainly is indeed 100, and then some.

So here's the list. These aren't really in much of an order, but some of the best were saved for last. Keep in mind we're not wishing harm on any of these folks, we're simply saying if the universe need to claim the vocal cords of one rapper, we would sub in the people on this list for The D.O.C.

100. K-Fed - One for the kids. We'll get the obvious out of the way early
99. DMX - Growling and/or barking with no vocal cords would be a challenge
98. Mystikal - All that yelling, I'm surprised he still has vocal cords
97. Mike Jones - Mike Jones, who? Exactly
96. Laquan - Sorry, Now's the B-Turn alone isn't enough to save your voice
95, 94, 93, 92, 91. Any Member of D-12 whose name is not also a delicious candy
90. Young Jeezy - Generic ATL trap raps, wouldn't be missed terribly
89. Sen Dog - Newsflash: B-Real carried Cypress Hill
88. G-Dep - Terrible Bad Boy MC, I doubt anyone would even notice
87. Frukwan - I actually have no problem with Frukwan, I just wanted to write Frukwan.
86. Memphis Bleek - I couldn't even name a song by this Jay-Z weed carrier, he wouldn't be missed.
85. Sauce Money - Ditto
84, 83, 82, 81 Lil' 1/2 Dead, Lil' Flip, Lil' Scrappy, Lil' Romeo - Really, would you be upset if "Lil'" anyone lost their voice?
80. Bow Wow - You'll always be Lil' Bow Wow friend
79. Skee-lo - "I wish I was a little bit taller, I also wish my vocal cords were not severed in a car accident" Catchy!
78, 77, 76, 75 Any member of the Terror Squad whose name doesn't rhyme with Cat Toe or Dig Bun
74. KC Flightt - Terrible house-rap MC that lured me into buying his tape, no voice for you
73. Jim Jones - Don't get the whole Diplomats phenomenon, dude is a terrible rapper
72. MC Solaar - Raps in french, hard to miss what you can't understand
71, 70 Both Ying Yang Twins - Perhaps they'd thrive, they could do a whole album of that terrible whisper rap
69. Chingy - Considering he's the poor man's Nelly, might be doing him a favour
68. Professor Griff - I bet Chuck wishes he lost his voice in 1988
67, 66, 65, 64 Any member of Thug Life that was not mysteriously killed in Las Vegas in 1996, but who is often said to be still alive
63. Loon - Being Mase's weed carrier means you probably wouldn't be missed
62. Mase - Actually being Mase means you probably wouldn't be missed
61. Hittman - But who would've done all those forgetable verses on 2001!?!
60. The Fat guy from PM Dawn - Then he'd never shot his mouth off and got pushed off the stage by KRS
59. Both members of Tag Team - Whooomp, you have no voice
58. Rappin' 4-tay - Rappin' is not his, ahem, forte
57, 56, 55 Master P, C-Murder, Silkk The Shocker - Apparently there was a limit
54. Freekey Zekey - I know nothing about this guy, but his name says it all
53. Rick Ross - Average Miami MC, don't think anyone would miss him
S2. Ray Dogg/Benzino - He could put out a sign language album and get 5 mics from The source
51. Dru Down - More known for his perm then his rhymes
50, 49, 48, 47 Any member of Disturbing Tha Peace whose name is not a snyonym for laughable
46. College Boyz - The Ack hated to love your rappin' through a cell phone steez
45. Ron C - Would we have missed classics like Mary Had A Pimp? Perhaps not
44. J-Kwon - Poor man's Chingy. Yikes
43, 42 Any member of The Fugees who did not have a kid with one of Bob Marley's sons
41. Danny Boy from House Of Pain - I heard a rumor that perhaps Everlast carried House of Pain
40. Yung Joc - Unfortunately he could still do that stupid motorcycle dance
39, 38, 37, 36 Dem Franchise Boyz - I'm thinking the franchise would be ok without them
35. Black Rob - Whoa! What happened to my voice
34. Tairrie B - But then how would she go on to front such awesome groups as Tura Satana, Manhole, and My Ruin?
33, 32 While we're on the subject, those white girls in Northern State
31. Freedom Williams - Now that would really be something to make you go hmmmmm
30, 29, 28, 27, 26 Any Member of the Flipmode Squad not named after a former Oklahoma wide receiver
25. Papoose - Honestly, that's the rap name you're going with, Papoose?
24. Paul Barman - You know what's also very stimulating? Silence
23, 22, 21, 20 Any member of the St. Lunatics who does not share a first name with Nelly Furtado
19. Afroman - It is not because you got high, it is because you are terrible
18. Ja Rule - we should be so lucky
17, 16, 15, 14 Any member of the G-Unit that isn't...wait, scratch that, the entire G-Unit, even 50 Cents
13. Chamillionaire - Forget dirty, now they'll catch you riding silent
12. The Chinese Guy from 2 Live Crew - At least he wouldn't be able to hear Uncle Luke anymore
11, 10 Insane Clown Posse - What's insane is that people haven't from listening to these, ur, clowns
9. Gerardo - Seems unfair as Gerardo is already down to cameoing in Pauly Shore movies, but it must be done
8. Puff Diddy Daddy Combs - At least we could still watch him dance, YAY!
7. The Guy from Snap with shit on his face - Perhaps Karma's response for his part in robbing Chill Rob G
6. Hammer - Proper, what you say Hammer? Oh, right, nothing.
5. 2-Bigg MC - Hammer's hype man, do you need more
4, 3 Both Kriss and Kross - We'd still be able to see they were totally crossed out
2. Chunky A - Arsenio Hall rapping in a fat suit, going mute is too good for this guy
1. Vanilla Ice - Who Else?

Honourable mention:

Mac Dre, Mac Mall, The Bravehearts, 69 Boyz, Tim Dog, Kottonmouth Kings, Lucas With The Lid Off, Pitbull, Dynamic Twins

Posted at 9:33 PM by naedoo :: 0 comments

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