News:: Even the Spurs Celebratory Beer is Boring

All right, well as you know, the NBA finals wrapped up last night with the not boring at all Spurs winning their fourth NBA title in nine years. Being the hoops aficionados that we are here at the hill, I couldn't let the season pass without some final comment. But quite honestly, I don't have much to say. After the Raps went out painfully in the first round to the Nets, and like Wyclef the Celtics have been out since November, it was no secret that Ack and I were both rooting for the Suns. In part because we enjoy their frenetic style, but we also like watching Amare cram on dudes, we like the basketball stylings of the Brazilian Snake L.B., and of course we enjoy Steve Nash immensely. If you grew up playing hoops in Canada and don't like Steve Nash you should perhaps get some medical attention, as you might be insane.

So anyway, after the whole Fresh Prince of Cheapshot-air fiasco, which essentially ended the Suns season and guaranteed the Spurs would win the title, most of the air went out of the playoffs. As much as the hill thinks Simmons is a dingus, he has a point with his whole "the off-season is better than the finals" angle. The odds of his crazy theory about how to fix things actually happening are about the same as seeing a Spurs game without 57 shots of Eva Longoria, but I agree with his main point. I found it very hard to be interested in this finals. One because the Spurs aren't interesting to me at all, and two because I knew they were going to blast the Cavs.

And blast them they did. The NBA finals are rarely a sweep, but the Cavs became the ninth team to lose in such a manner, and I was hardly surprised. So let's give the Spurs some credit. Yay Spurs. There, that seems about the appropriate amount of emotion for this team. They managed to stick together and beat whoever was put in front of them, so they deserve what plaudits they receive this AM. But man, how fun would it have been if the Suns had advanced? It's become trendy to say "hey, the Spurs are not boring at all!", but listen to the beers involved in their celebration:

Yes, I saw some beer bottles being shaken up and sprayed around the room (they had Bud Light, Corona and Labatt's Blue)

Honestly, Bud Light, Corona, and Labatt's Blue!?! Blue, really? Even when they go exotic and break out a Canadian ale, they go with Blue. What, couldn't get the Molson Canadian across the border? They just needed some Coors Light to complete the perfect boring beer experience (sorry T-Box). And then there's this description of the mayhem of the locker room:

Not once did I hear a single Spurs player emit even the slightest whoop. Not a single guy was jumping up and down.

Whooooooo-haaaaah, keepin' 'em all in check!!! Sounds like a par-tay. Damn straight they aren't boring. But here's where I stand on the issue, I don't necessarily think the Spurs are boring, I simply do not like them. The whole team (sans the Red Rocket of course, I love his celebration: "Nearby, Matt Bonner took it all in as he munched on a green apple.") is really rather un-likeable. Duncan is an unstoppable automaton who is about the most joyless NBA all-time great I have ever seen. The only time he shows a pulse is when he does the bug-eyed protest after every single foul call. Parker is saddled with the annoying Longoria and his French take on the Rick Fox-esque "I want to be a Hollywood star" routine, Hook Nose Ginobili is an inconsistent flopper, and finally Bruce Bowen - do I need to elaborate on Bowen?

So that's it, we'll wish the Spurs a begrudging congrats on their title, but we certainly hope the Raps, Suns, or C's (ahahahahaha, oh, sorry Ack) will at least make the playoffs interesting next year. In honor of the 2007 playoff MVP, I leave you with this:

If you think the Spurs are the funkiest bunch since, well, the Funky Bunch, I suppose you might want this:

mp3:: Tony Parker - Balance Toi

@ 11:09 AM, Blogger SM kicked the following game:

Spurs games are boring because of their solid defense.

I'm glad they're "boring", though. I'm glad Tim Duncan doesn't show emotion like that dumb-ass Shaq.


@ 12:24 PM, Blogger naedoo kicked the following game:

haha, the Spurs anti-boring police strike again.

Like I said, I don't think they're boring. But homeslice, Shaq? Of all the players in the NBA, you chose Shaq? Don't know if you've ever seen him interviewed, but he is like watching a glacier move.


@ 12:26 PM, Anonymous Anonymous kicked the following game:

As a Cavs fan, I am bored by the Spurs lack of turnovers and ill-advised passes.

I tell ya, I would have rather faced Steve Nash than Tony Parker. The guy is unstoppable..

ok back to therapy.


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